A black man's rant vs. A black woman's opinion

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of a black man's rant regarding the black woman. While it sounded a little theatrical to me it brought forth a great discussion with my mother. Now if you think that I am an outspoken individual you should meet my mother. Quite frankly, I am her child. My mother was having a candid discussion with my favorite masseuse *Hi Rosa* about the state of black man in Binghamton, NY. In my mother's opinion, a good majority of the black men in that area were no good for nothing individuals. She lamented about how lazy some of them were and to make matters worse treasured by white women as if they were jewels of the Nile. To her amusement, these white women walk around like that they have the best of both worlds yet any respectable black woman wouldn't want what they are deeming precious stones. Out comes the black man and his belligerent rants
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Heavy on the theatrics, this black man adamantly blamed the state of black men on black women. It was his opinion that black men are underestimated, underappreciated, disrespected, etc. by black women. He further went on to say that the state of the black man is a direct result of the lack of support from black women. Well slap me silly and call me Becky. To say that I was amazed at the unmitigated gall of this man is an understatement. His comments disturbed me so much that I decided to engage him in conversation. My question was simple... Why do you feel this way?

This poor misguided man started dredging up an experience that in my opinion did not warrant his blatant display of waterworks. He simply said that a woman frowned up her nose at him and his well-dressed friends. *sidebar: I honestly thought he was gay* Being educated, we all know that is not a real reason to be spouting such venomous talk as he was however; I realized that while I could lead a horse to water I could not make them drink. Realizing that it would turn into a pointless conversation I decided to cease talking to men and fools.

While I can only speak for myself I believe that a lot of my girlfriends can concur when I say that a lot of black women are all for uplifting the black male. Here's the thing though....you have to want to be uplifted. While I believe that a woman should cater to her man's ego there has to be a point where he is catering to his own ego. How can I make him happy if he's not happy with himself? I find it hard to believe that this sister was frowning her noise up as well put together BMW (Black Males Working). I am more inclined to believe that it is something else or for that matter nothing at all. It could simply be that these Black males have a self-image problem and rather than seeking help they choose to blame their problems on other members of society. Or if these Black males looked anything like my ranter she could have assumed like I did that they were gay and untouchable.

Contrary to the rant, I know for a fact that the majority of Black women want a well-put together brother. If you ask me, I'd take a brother in a suit that fits appropriately, tie and polished shoes any day of the week. To put it like one of my Facebook friends did, it's like male lingerie. I wanted the educated brother who can speak in proper sentences, who knows his salad fork from his dinner fork, etc. Now most people would assume that this man has to be college educated. I say, that is not exactly so. Being college educated does not make you intellectual. It just means that you were able to finish something. I'm sure we all know someone who has a college degree from a 4-year institution (lets be specific here) and is not smarter than a 5th grader. While there are some women who are that pretentious there is tons of other who are not.

For my ranter, my only suggestion is be true thy own self. Are you what you claim to be? If you are then maybe you are looking in the wrong place. If you really are all that you say you are there is some woman out there waiting to snap you up sans the chip on your shoulder. Lamenting about the woes of the Black male won't get you very far. All it does it make you sound like a complainer and that will get you the frown with the quickness. Put your life into perspective. Maybe you will see a different perspective.

Smooches,
Divine


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The magazine relationship: Did it work for you?

Am I the only one who thinks that nowadays, just about every magazine, TV and radio sound bite are targeting relationships? It is such a prevalent topic that just about every Essence magazine has an article related to some relationship issue. In fact, Essence may have more than one article. Steve Harvey felt it prudent to put out a second book. Go figure, there is not a TV show that has not discussed some relationship issues at least once this calendar year. Everyone has a theory and to be quite honest they all make me dizzy. To make it worse, even if you do not follow up on the latest relationship news there is always some girlfriend who wants to tell you the latest buzz particularly when you are single. The irony is that she is just as single as you and no closer to having a boyfriend than you are. Call me crazy but shouldn't you only promote a relationship fixer upper only if you can just about guarantee results or in this case a relationship. I mean seriously, how do you recommend something when you have never tried it?

Recently, I was lamenting to one of my male friends that it seems like some folks are worried about my relationship or lack thereof (as facebook states...it's complicated) and they have less of a relationship prospect than I. As this male friend explained to me, I am now at an age where the whole world is concerned about my relationship status. Riddle me this...WHY? I totally get the concern if I was crying buckets on a daily basis and the tears happen to be falling on their shoulder but I am not. I could understand if they knew that the person was physically abusive or for that matter mentally abusive but last I check no one has ever abused me. Truth be told, I am quite happy with where I am as complicated as I am. Relationships take work and frankly most days I am not fully up to the amount of work that it takes. Honestly, I have to wonder why these "concerned" individuals are living vicariously through because of their inability to have their own relationship. I know it sounds harsh but what else could it be?

The fact of the matter is that all of these relationship articles and TV/radio sound bites are all subjective. As adults, we should know that there is never a one size fits all solution. We are all individuals and what works for you may not work for me. Furthermore, so much emphasis is always put on the man and what he is going to do. What happened to the woman's role? Is it fair for someone to expect a man to outline his plans when you haven't outlined them to yourself? As emotionless as men may want to appear they do possess emotions and share most if not all of the same fears that we women do including rejection. It's one thing to make it clear to "him" that you wouldn't mind building something with him but if you act like your comfortable with "benefits" relationship chances are he will thing that is what he's worth to you and not make any moves to solidify an actual relationship. Now there is always the chance that he sees you as a "benefits" relationship as well, regardless of what you put out there. Unless you speak up you will never know. As the saying goes, "A closed mouth won't get fed" or in this case you will not ever develop a relationship.

I say all of this to say, if you are relying on a magazine to develop a relationship...good luck with that. If you think that Steve, Hill and any other relationship expert will guarantee a relationship again good luck with that. Tyra, the view or even Oprah for that matter cannot help you. My suggestion to you is to take it one day at a time and try different method. My other suggestion is until that method you are swearing by actually gets you that great relationship please do not recommend it to me. I like proven results and if you are single, you have not proven a damn thing.


Smooches,

Divine

He cheated....why???

As always, between my Facebook and twitter, I read the most interesting things. Today was no different. As I was reading people's statuses I came across one that had me tickled. One of my male friends, decided to post a public service announcement informing women than men don’t comment on other men being unfaithful because they understand. Being the sarcastic I responded in kind telling him that I understand too. The topic stuck with me that I just knew that I had to write about it. Hopefully, you ladies will understand too after I'm done.

Fact: 50% of men cheat. If you don't believe me go look it up. I guarantee that your answer will be the same. If not then I guess I lied and I owe you. What does seem to be a mystery is why 50% of said men cheat. If you’re like me at least one of your girlfriends has been cheated on. While she was cursing out all mankind, I am sure that one of the reasons she repeated as his reasons was that she didn't give it to him like she used too. Who knows, he may actually be right. The problem is that his reason is so unoriginal. That reason is one of the most common reasons. Other reasons include the lack of respect for their manhood. Very few tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The reason why men cheat is actually quite simple. Are you ready.....they cheat because they can. It's a known fact that most men have an adventurous bone in their body.  Plain and simple they are thrill seeking individuals.  Cheating is just that. I mean think about it, they have to find a girl, exude a certain level of charm that convinces said girl that they are single (sometimes), and plan time to be together all without getting caught. Sounds like a roller coaster to me. Truth is, even if you continued giving it to him in all ways known to mankind he would still cheat on you. Chances are she's giving it to him the same way. Quite honestly, if your man has cheated or planning to cheat there really isn't anything that you can do to stop him. More than likely he's done it before and is way ahead of the game.

So ladies, next time your cheating partner decided to tell you a tall take make sure that you are in a position to call him a liar to his face. If you were swinging from a pole in the beginning make sure that you keep swinging from that pole. That way you will know that it had nothing to do with you and all to do with the fact that he did it because he could.

Smooches,
Divine

I'm back

For some reason, I took a break but I'm back and better than ever. So sit back and enjoy the ride. I'm sure that whatever I write about will tickle everyone's fancy in some way or other.