Any concerns for education?

Okay so today I am feeling every bit of my rebellious self. I'm pissed and with good reason. Before you dismiss me, hear me out. Trust me, it doesn't have to do with and girl issues, relationship issues or work foolishness. My level of agitation is strictly focused on societal issues.

If you are as like-minded as me then you are aware of what is going in the world and beyond via the news. Now when I say news, I'm not talking about who murdered who or you is engaged to whom. I'm talking about societal issues that affect policies which in turn affect people. What am i talking about exactly? I'm talking about NYC asinine Mayor Bloomberg. Aside from the fact that he is illegally sitting as Mayor for a 3rd term he is a jerk and that is putting it mildly. Illegal you ask. That's right. He knew that the people of his fine city were not in favor of 3 terms yet he used politricks to get in that city trying to convince everyone that he was doing it for the betterment of NYC. If you are like me than you know that is some utter Bullsh*t. But whatever, he is there now and nothing can be done this go round. What has me furious is who he nominated for school chancellor.

Maybe, you haven't heard but the nomination for the replacement of idiot #339 Joel Klein is idiot #340 Cathleen Black. Hear me now when I say idiot I don't mean that these individuals are not highly intelligent. Obviously the possess some sort of intelligence to have made it as far in life as they did. Even President Bush is intelligent. After all he had the intelligence to pass as being smart and sat in the white house not for one term but two. I think he has earned his partial intelligence badge...don't you. So back to Ms. Black. I'm sure you are wondering what I find so appalling about this nomination. It is simple. Ms. Black is not an educator. That's right. She hasn't taught a day in her natural born life. Ms. Black is a corporate executive and magazine publisher. With that background tell me why than is she being selected to educate our children?  It gets better. Ms. Black doesn't he know what it like to deal with a public school. First, she never attended public school. Secondly, her own children attended boarding school. Are you beginning to see what my issue is?

While I understand that we are in what has been debated a depression there are just something’s that we should not sacrifice.  We are talking about the education of the future. This said future will be responsible for bringing us out of this depression to some recession to other and we continually insist on not providing them with the proper tools. We allow teachers who could care less whether your child can read, write or do simple math to teach our children. We allow teachers who because of our skin color, religion, nationality, etc. give us substandard knowledge. We exist in a society where it is not uncommon for a 9th grader who for now other reason than not being taught should have an IQ over 70 to be promoted from grade to grade lacking in the ability to read beyond a 1st grade level. Why have we become so complacent in the education of our children? It is unfair for us to denigrate and insult them about their lack or drive to give back to the community when we are failing to ensure that they are provided with the tools to do such a thing.

The United States of America, brags about being one of the super powers in the nations yet our educational system SUCKS. In March of 2009, The Institute of Educational Sciences released, "Comparative Indicators of Education in the United States and other G-8 Countries: 2009"(1). For those of you who don't know, G-8 countries refer to the most industrialized countries in the world that are on a similar playing field as the Unites States. The study found that only 12% of fourth graders reached the international benchmark in reading literacy. Furthermore, females in the USA outperformed males by 10 points in reading literacy. We haven't even begun to touch on race and look at the difference. Data (2) as it relates to this country shows that, 40% of America's 4th graders continue to read below the basic level on a national level. The numbers are even more dismal in the inner cities and poor rural areas. It is estimated that 68% of low income 4th graders cannot read at a basic level. If you don't know, minorities consisting of Blacks and Latinos are lumped in those numbers. It gets worse, 1/3 of all incoming college freshmen are enrolled in remedial reading, writing, or mathematics class. Now call me crazy, but how in the HELL are you getting to college and you can't read or write. Doesn't that sound backwards to you. It sure does sound pretty strange to me. I'm sure you don't have to ask who the ones are being allowed to advance without a complete grasp of these areas. Ponder on that for a moment.

So we looked at countries who are supposed to be on the same parity as us. What about those countries that is not. Personally, while I do not agree with all of the politics of Cuba I salute them for more reasons than one. One of those reasons, being their educational systems as it relates to the USA. According to UNICEF (3), the literacy rate for males and females over the age of 15 who can read is 100%. Wow 100%. That sounds like a golden number.  Go figure, the agency that is as overly concerned about the nation as a whole wellbeing in all matters was unable to obtain the data for this area. I don't know about you, but it sounds suspect to me.

The story goes on and on about how dismal education is in this country. I could sit here and pull out appalling statistics after statistics that should make you very afraid. After all, this relates to the competence level of our next generation. This is the same generation who we are expecting to care for us as we age. It relates to our children whether they are born from us or our nieces, nephews, godchildren. It matters not because we are all a village and should be worried about how all of our children are going to succeed.  I could list so many reasons why Ms. Black should not be excused from the requirements but then so can you if you really thought about it for a minute. At what point are we willing to stop sacrificing our children's well-being. At what point does it not become solely about money. At what point are we willing to suck it up and make sacrifices. While I am far from rich, I am dedicated to the educational well-being of our youth. I actively give my time and money to organizations such as the Greater NY Inter0Alumni Association for the UNCF as well as my own alma mater's Hofstra University's Black/Hispanic Alumni Association. I whole heartedly believe in the UNCF's motto that, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." I believe that it is the older generation’s responsibility to ensure that we have given the generations behind us the tools to not waste their mind and that includes ensuring that the most qualified person is overseeing their educational system.

On that note, I implore everyone to get out and start organizing. Start stepping up to the plate and become involved in all ways. It is unacceptable to lament on the past about how you may have been mistreated on some educational level. Your silence and inactivity is the reason why transgressions still go on today. Imagine if our forefathers would have said i don't care about the next generation when it came to slavery and Jim Crow. We would all be riding the back of the bus and drinking from the "colored" water fountain. The best way to right a wrong is to actively become involved when possible. There is no reason to be sitting at the sideline lamenting one what was done. It is the past...move on and pick-up the fight. If you live in NYC regardless of whether you have children or not I  implore you to sign the petitions (4) asking NYS Education Commissioner, David M. Steiner, his deputy, the board of Regents as well as your own State Senator and Assemblyman. Don't be afraid to add a comment personalizing why you think this nomination is utter madness. At the end of the day, the fact remains that if you are not a part of the solution than you are a part of the problem.

Smooches,
Divine




1) The Institute of Educational Sciences
2) Improving education for every child
3) Cuba literacy rates
4) Petition to the Chancellor

Friends on Memory Lane

Recently, I received a tex from one of my many sisters asking if I thought she was self-righteous. Being the honest self-righteous person that I am I told her that she could be however; I either bring her back to earth or I ignore her. I mean seriously, there are worst things that one can be. Her being self-righteous just isn't that big of a deal to me. Honestly, it's really wasn't that big of a deal to her until one particular person pointed it out to her. I know what you're thinking...man problems. *Sigh* I wish it were that simple. Actually, it was girl problems and no she's not gay. My sister is a beautiful, intelligent, goal oriented person who is pursuing her degree. Truth is she's going places and her time is filled with busy people things. Like most adults whose life resembles hers...she's busy. Apparently, she's too busy for one of her girlfriends from way back when.

Now you would think that her girlfriend has idle time on her hand. Sorry, that just isn't the case. Truthfully, it is a case of we're grown and no longer have anything in common. Sound familiar. Guys say it all the time. The friends that they had when they were 2 are the same friends that they have at 35. For some unexplainable reason, guys know how to keep friends. On the flip side a woman can go through friends like they do panties. One would think that this phenomenon changes as they get older. *Sigh* unfortunately, that is just not the case. Out of all of the friends that I had pre-college days only 1 is still around. Now I know you think that I got into a terrible argument with the rest but sorry to disappoint that's not even how it went down. Truth is we just....drifted....apart. As I got older my priorities changed and unfortunately, they were no longer a part of those new found set of priorities.   The same could be said for some of the friends that I made during college. It's like a relationship, I have love for you but I am no longer in love with you.

Women are very practical when it comes to relationships with our friends. For us there is no two way street. We are either all going the same way or you're getting off at the next stop and see you when we see you. Women truly believe in having friends for different reasons and when that reason no longer exist then there's truly no reason to continue cultivating that friendship. Now you may think that we are using the other person but honestly, it's not like that. We care about you and may even still like you but once the glue stops sticking we just stop trying.

Do you think you’re a bad friend because you no longer call your friend? You’re not. It's just that you've moved on and no longer share the same common ground. If it’s really bothering you call that friend and see if a new common ground can be found. If not then chalk it up to a friend who you needed at the time that you needed them but no longer need them. After all, nothing in life is constant. Unfortunately, sometimes that includes relationships too.

To my friends you know who you are...I love you. To everyone else....I guess your number got pulled and that common ground is gone. Maybe we'll try to find a new one otherwise it's been real.

Smooches,

Divine

Black & Blue: The Domestic Violence Phenomeon

                                 


So I started to do this blog post during the month of October but then something stopped me. I decided to speak about this topic in a month not dedicated to it and help keep the talk about it alive. I’m sure by now you are wondering just what I’m talking about. You are probably scratching your head and thinking, “WTH.” Wait no more. I’m talking about that “D” word. No, not death rather I am talking about...Domestic Violence or DV. Did anyone besides me know that in addition to “Breast Cancer Awareness” month October was also dedicated to “Domestic Violence Awareness” as well? I can just about say without a doubt that most of you didn’t. Well let me make you aware so that come October next year, you are out the letting someone else know.

While I hope that you all know what “DV” is, it would be foolish of me to assume. On that note, let me give you the working definition. Domestic Violence is defined as abusive behaviors being utilized by one person in a relationship to control the other person in the relationship. We can go a step further and break down the word abusive. Now I’m sure when you hear abusive you think physical. Well, abusive doesn’t just mean physical. Abusive speaks to emotional, financial, sexual, mental, etc. The list can go on and on like the song that never ends. It is all about control. If something is being down to exert control over the other party in the relationship it is deemed abusive. Let’s be clear, this type of violence knows no barriers. There is no respect for sexual orientation or preference, age, race, creed, social status, religion, etc. It can and has happened to everyone within the social gradient. If you identify as a member of the LGBTQ population it happens there. It happens in heterosexual relationships. It happens to members of the Church, Mosque, Synagogue, etc. It even happens to rich people (just listen to Entertainment Tonight for the latest occurrence). You don’t have to be living together or even in a defined relationship for it to occur. It can just…HAPPEN!

Let’s talk numbers. Did you know that one in four women has experienced domestic violence in her life?  As I stated earlier, domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, sex, gender, etc., however; the sad truth is that women account for 85% of the victims of intimate partner violence whereas men only account for 15%. Now, I will be the first to say that the numbers with regards to men are highly skewed and probably just as inaccurate. If you’re wondering why, it is simple. How many men do you know that will actually admit that the woman they are with is abusive and controlling? Personally, I don’t know any. No man is going to admit that the woman he is with hit him with a frying pan because he didn’t do what she wants. We all know that men have been programmed to be tough and strong and have flawed definitions when it comes to the portrayal of manhood. Another alarming fact is that women who are between the ages of 20-24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. How many of you are in that age group. Just so you know, DV is present in the teenage population and happens at an alarming rate. It is absolutely disturbing. Are you one of those people who believe that the threat of domestic violence is over once you become separated or divorced? Well think again. Separated and divorced individuals are at a greater risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. If you thought it was over…it’s not. Being pregnant is not an exempt ticket from being a victim. As a matter of fact, a great deal of victims is pregnant.

You’ve seen what it looks like for nonfatal incidents. What about the fatal incidents. It is estimated that more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partner in this country on a daily basis. *Sigh* we’re not even talking about getting killed by a complete stranger. We’re talking about knowing the person who killed you all because they were trying to control you.  Lumped into the stats are numbers as they relate to stalking and rape/sexual assault. These too fall under domestic violence and have just as disturbing numbers as the rest of the categories.  Stalking is a big issue and most homicide cases involve stalking when dealing with domestic violence. Having an order of protection is not a failsafe mechanism. Even then, people still die.

Hopefully, by now I’ve piqued your interest with this topic. Given the definition of DV, how many people can say that they don’t know or have never known an individual who is a victim or even a perpetrator of DV?  If you can say that you don’t know someone please share the directions to your bubble so that I may pay a visit and perhaps stay awhile. If you don’t know anyone in this situation, count yourself among the lucky ones. Unfortunately, I have not been so lucky to avoid being subjected to situations such as this. Now don’t get it twisted. I have never been subjected to DV personally. No one has been bold or stupid enough to put their hands on me or disrespect me in a manner that can be deemed abusive. I am pretty confident that with God’s grace that will never happen. What I am saying is that I have been a witness to friends being DV victims. Let me tell you, it is the most draining experience ever. Even now, I know of individuals who are victims and have yet come to accept it or figured out a way to get out of it. It’s a sad tale this domestic violence. The truth of the matter is that, statistics show that approximately three out of four Americans know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. That’s 74% of the population. It gets better. 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused by her husband or boyfriend in the past year. Are you alarmed now? Do you see the writing on the wall of how serious this issue is?


In college, I can recall periods where I so wanted to get involved in a dispute and I had to restrain myself. I didn’t restrain myself because I didn’t care. Trust me I cared A LOT. Rather, I restrained myself because I knew that the victim wasn’t ready to receive my help. I’m sure your scratching your head at not ready. Your probably wondering WTH, what do you mean by not being ready. Remember DV exist when control is placed in the equation. With control comes a loss of one’s self-worth. To extricate one’s self from a domestic violence situation is a process that may not be done in one night. It is a process that may take days, weeks, months, and or years. Now hopefully, this time before the individual has the strength, courage, fortitude, etc. to leave the DV situation they are not to battered and alive. As we know there are some that never make it out. Last month, during intensive 4-week training, I heard what it took for some women to leave. These women varied in ethnicity, religion and income status yet they were all victims of domestic violence. For each of them, it took something deep inside of them to leave their situation. It takes something deep inside of them to cultivate their new found sense of self-worth. It is a process and for some it’s a day in and day out process. As with any abuse, it is one that while you may heal, you will never forget. The sad truth is that some people never do heal and are wounded doves forever.

With all of this being said, what is that you can do for those whom you know are victims? Truthfully, your role is limited. What you can’t do is make them feel guilty and ask questions such as why are you still there. By doing that you are continuing the victimization process. You need to be there for them. If they are receptive help them to create a safety plan. Ideally, in time they will find the strength to remove themselves from the situation safely. Domestic violence is like an addiction, it’s a one day at a time type of situation. There’s nothing simple about it.

If you live in NYC and need services as it relates to domestic violence here are a few places that can help you:

1.      American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)

Women’s Rights Project

125 Broad Street, 18^th Floor

New York, NY 10004

212-549-2644

www.aclu.org/WomensRights/WomensRightsMain.cfu

2.      Connect

Legal Advocacy Hotline

P.O. Box 20217, Greeley Square Station

New York, NY 10001

212-683-0015

www.connectnyc.org

3.      DOVE (Domestic Violence and Other Emergencies)

New York Presbyterian Hospital

Columbia University Medical Center

622 West 168^th Street

New York, NY 10032

212-305-5130

www.nyp.org/dove

4.      The House of Peace*

1958 Fulton Street, Rm 401

Brooklyn, NY 11233

800-405-9134\

www.thehopinc.org/

If you are one of the fortunate ones who don’t know anyone who is a DV victim please don’t take this as an opportunity to ignore the problem. Now I’m not saying that you should go out and find you a DV victim. What I am saying is that you should try and be a part of the solution. If you’re wondering how you can do that it’s simple. It does involve money but hey every little bit counts. Each of the agencies that I listed are all not-for-profit. I’m sure you know what that means. Yes, you got it. They could use monies from people like you and will gladly take it. Now I’m not saying that you have to donate to these specific agencies subliminal message: feel free to donate to “The House of Peace” I’m doing my internship there and no monetary gift is too big or small rather you can do your research and donate to an agency of your choice.

On that note my work is done. If you didn’t know now you know and as they say, “knowing is half of the battle.”

Until next time…

Smooches,

Divine

If you want to see more stats
Reference for my stats

A black man's rant vs. A black woman's opinion

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of a black man's rant regarding the black woman. While it sounded a little theatrical to me it brought forth a great discussion with my mother. Now if you think that I am an outspoken individual you should meet my mother. Quite frankly, I am her child. My mother was having a candid discussion with my favorite masseuse *Hi Rosa* about the state of black man in Binghamton, NY. In my mother's opinion, a good majority of the black men in that area were no good for nothing individuals. She lamented about how lazy some of them were and to make matters worse treasured by white women as if they were jewels of the Nile. To her amusement, these white women walk around like that they have the best of both worlds yet any respectable black woman wouldn't want what they are deeming precious stones. Out comes the black man and his belligerent rants
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Heavy on the theatrics, this black man adamantly blamed the state of black men on black women. It was his opinion that black men are underestimated, underappreciated, disrespected, etc. by black women. He further went on to say that the state of the black man is a direct result of the lack of support from black women. Well slap me silly and call me Becky. To say that I was amazed at the unmitigated gall of this man is an understatement. His comments disturbed me so much that I decided to engage him in conversation. My question was simple... Why do you feel this way?

This poor misguided man started dredging up an experience that in my opinion did not warrant his blatant display of waterworks. He simply said that a woman frowned up her nose at him and his well-dressed friends. *sidebar: I honestly thought he was gay* Being educated, we all know that is not a real reason to be spouting such venomous talk as he was however; I realized that while I could lead a horse to water I could not make them drink. Realizing that it would turn into a pointless conversation I decided to cease talking to men and fools.

While I can only speak for myself I believe that a lot of my girlfriends can concur when I say that a lot of black women are all for uplifting the black male. Here's the thing though....you have to want to be uplifted. While I believe that a woman should cater to her man's ego there has to be a point where he is catering to his own ego. How can I make him happy if he's not happy with himself? I find it hard to believe that this sister was frowning her noise up as well put together BMW (Black Males Working). I am more inclined to believe that it is something else or for that matter nothing at all. It could simply be that these Black males have a self-image problem and rather than seeking help they choose to blame their problems on other members of society. Or if these Black males looked anything like my ranter she could have assumed like I did that they were gay and untouchable.

Contrary to the rant, I know for a fact that the majority of Black women want a well-put together brother. If you ask me, I'd take a brother in a suit that fits appropriately, tie and polished shoes any day of the week. To put it like one of my Facebook friends did, it's like male lingerie. I wanted the educated brother who can speak in proper sentences, who knows his salad fork from his dinner fork, etc. Now most people would assume that this man has to be college educated. I say, that is not exactly so. Being college educated does not make you intellectual. It just means that you were able to finish something. I'm sure we all know someone who has a college degree from a 4-year institution (lets be specific here) and is not smarter than a 5th grader. While there are some women who are that pretentious there is tons of other who are not.

For my ranter, my only suggestion is be true thy own self. Are you what you claim to be? If you are then maybe you are looking in the wrong place. If you really are all that you say you are there is some woman out there waiting to snap you up sans the chip on your shoulder. Lamenting about the woes of the Black male won't get you very far. All it does it make you sound like a complainer and that will get you the frown with the quickness. Put your life into perspective. Maybe you will see a different perspective.

Smooches,
Divine


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The magazine relationship: Did it work for you?

Am I the only one who thinks that nowadays, just about every magazine, TV and radio sound bite are targeting relationships? It is such a prevalent topic that just about every Essence magazine has an article related to some relationship issue. In fact, Essence may have more than one article. Steve Harvey felt it prudent to put out a second book. Go figure, there is not a TV show that has not discussed some relationship issues at least once this calendar year. Everyone has a theory and to be quite honest they all make me dizzy. To make it worse, even if you do not follow up on the latest relationship news there is always some girlfriend who wants to tell you the latest buzz particularly when you are single. The irony is that she is just as single as you and no closer to having a boyfriend than you are. Call me crazy but shouldn't you only promote a relationship fixer upper only if you can just about guarantee results or in this case a relationship. I mean seriously, how do you recommend something when you have never tried it?

Recently, I was lamenting to one of my male friends that it seems like some folks are worried about my relationship or lack thereof (as facebook states...it's complicated) and they have less of a relationship prospect than I. As this male friend explained to me, I am now at an age where the whole world is concerned about my relationship status. Riddle me this...WHY? I totally get the concern if I was crying buckets on a daily basis and the tears happen to be falling on their shoulder but I am not. I could understand if they knew that the person was physically abusive or for that matter mentally abusive but last I check no one has ever abused me. Truth be told, I am quite happy with where I am as complicated as I am. Relationships take work and frankly most days I am not fully up to the amount of work that it takes. Honestly, I have to wonder why these "concerned" individuals are living vicariously through because of their inability to have their own relationship. I know it sounds harsh but what else could it be?

The fact of the matter is that all of these relationship articles and TV/radio sound bites are all subjective. As adults, we should know that there is never a one size fits all solution. We are all individuals and what works for you may not work for me. Furthermore, so much emphasis is always put on the man and what he is going to do. What happened to the woman's role? Is it fair for someone to expect a man to outline his plans when you haven't outlined them to yourself? As emotionless as men may want to appear they do possess emotions and share most if not all of the same fears that we women do including rejection. It's one thing to make it clear to "him" that you wouldn't mind building something with him but if you act like your comfortable with "benefits" relationship chances are he will thing that is what he's worth to you and not make any moves to solidify an actual relationship. Now there is always the chance that he sees you as a "benefits" relationship as well, regardless of what you put out there. Unless you speak up you will never know. As the saying goes, "A closed mouth won't get fed" or in this case you will not ever develop a relationship.

I say all of this to say, if you are relying on a magazine to develop a relationship...good luck with that. If you think that Steve, Hill and any other relationship expert will guarantee a relationship again good luck with that. Tyra, the view or even Oprah for that matter cannot help you. My suggestion to you is to take it one day at a time and try different method. My other suggestion is until that method you are swearing by actually gets you that great relationship please do not recommend it to me. I like proven results and if you are single, you have not proven a damn thing.


Smooches,

Divine

He cheated....why???

As always, between my Facebook and twitter, I read the most interesting things. Today was no different. As I was reading people's statuses I came across one that had me tickled. One of my male friends, decided to post a public service announcement informing women than men don’t comment on other men being unfaithful because they understand. Being the sarcastic I responded in kind telling him that I understand too. The topic stuck with me that I just knew that I had to write about it. Hopefully, you ladies will understand too after I'm done.

Fact: 50% of men cheat. If you don't believe me go look it up. I guarantee that your answer will be the same. If not then I guess I lied and I owe you. What does seem to be a mystery is why 50% of said men cheat. If you’re like me at least one of your girlfriends has been cheated on. While she was cursing out all mankind, I am sure that one of the reasons she repeated as his reasons was that she didn't give it to him like she used too. Who knows, he may actually be right. The problem is that his reason is so unoriginal. That reason is one of the most common reasons. Other reasons include the lack of respect for their manhood. Very few tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The reason why men cheat is actually quite simple. Are you ready.....they cheat because they can. It's a known fact that most men have an adventurous bone in their body.  Plain and simple they are thrill seeking individuals.  Cheating is just that. I mean think about it, they have to find a girl, exude a certain level of charm that convinces said girl that they are single (sometimes), and plan time to be together all without getting caught. Sounds like a roller coaster to me. Truth is, even if you continued giving it to him in all ways known to mankind he would still cheat on you. Chances are she's giving it to him the same way. Quite honestly, if your man has cheated or planning to cheat there really isn't anything that you can do to stop him. More than likely he's done it before and is way ahead of the game.

So ladies, next time your cheating partner decided to tell you a tall take make sure that you are in a position to call him a liar to his face. If you were swinging from a pole in the beginning make sure that you keep swinging from that pole. That way you will know that it had nothing to do with you and all to do with the fact that he did it because he could.

Smooches,
Divine

I'm back

For some reason, I took a break but I'm back and better than ever. So sit back and enjoy the ride. I'm sure that whatever I write about will tickle everyone's fancy in some way or other.

Girl Talk: Checking the Baggage

If you work in an environment where computers are a big part of work getting done you are bound to have a day when no work gets done because the computers are down. If you do and you don't well then sucks to be you because those moments are the best ever. Today was one of those standstill moments. Aside from running an errand (won't say how long I was gone for) I had the opportunity to chat it up with a co-worker (thank you girl for the inspiration).

What better topic to discuss while waiting for the computer system to come back on line then men and relationships. While my relationship life may be complicated officially I am single she is most definitely single and looking. Her being single like most of us at the end of the day...real talk is solely her choice because she is not with the bullshyt baggage that some men try to bring with them. Now that she is on the dating scene she has become just a tad more vigilant in the type of man she will accept in her life and the behaviors that she will tolerate from jump. In another words she has become cautious.

Being cautious isn't as bad as some HATERS may think. At the end of the day everyone should exhibit some type of caution when embarking on what can be a life altering experience. I mean think about it. Does it really make sense to get burned twice??? If we are honest with ourselves yeah you then we can admit that at some point in our life probably even now we allowed ourselves to become subdued and accepting of man bullshyt. It's cool, it happens to the best of us and there is no need to go beating yourself over it. The important thing to come to terms with is that when you do decide to kick that baggage to curve make sure you put it out on trash day so that it can't find its way back to your house that should be the last time you tolerate whatever bullshyt that was going down. There is no need to become that hardcore B*tch that some men complain about. Rather become a woman with standards. By now, you should know the generics of what is acceptable in a relationship if you don't go buy a book...there are plenty of them out there. At the end of the day it is all about RESPECT SANG it Aretha. If you have a good foundation, then you already know what it is that you deserve...claim it! Put your foot down and acknowledge to yourself that there is no reason why HIStory has to repeat itself. Pull out that pad and paper and write down what it is that you will not tolerate and why you won't tolerate it. Periodically review that list and make revisions. You may find yourself crossing our or adding more things. At the end it really doesn't matter as long as you don't keep going in a desperate circle. Your life should not become what soap operas and reality shows are made of. The reindeer games to the hunters.

It just makes sense to start off as you mean to finish. At the first sign of bad behavior it needs to be addressed. Do not let it fester. That is bad business and will only get you where you were before. Sometimes a pass can be granted but sometimes it is just a no go or as they say on twitter #FAIL. When those behaviors seem like they emulate the "player" mentality that he was so big on you may as well cut your losses. When he tries to play you for some kind of fool pin a tail on him and let him know he's the donkey now. The fact of the matter is that truthfully, life is really to short. If he can't come correct then it's a no bueno for him and like the song goes...on to the next one.

Smooches,
Divine

The misguided child

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a young boy, approximately 13 years of age for a dollar. Here I was minding my business in Target (french accent) and this young African-American Male approaches me (never saw him before) for money. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I wasn't in the train where it is apparent that everyone thinks that it is a charity system. I was shopping. Shocked as I was I decided to determine why he needed this dollar before I decided whether I should give it to him. When I asked him, he stated that he wanted to buy a football game but was a dollar short. While I did not approve of him going up to strangers asking for money I understood the desire to want something and be a dollar short (or leave the whole wallet at home by accident). I decided in that moment, that I would give him the dollar and I told him as much.

Now some are wondering why I gave him this dollar. It's simple. I did not not want to be at the register watching this boy go out in handcuffs over a video game. Granted I do believe that it was totally not cool that this "child" felt comfortable enough to walk up to a stranger and ask for money but the fact of the matter is that he did and I had the opportunity to prevent another black marker against the black man. The truth of the matter is, can I really blame him for walking up to me asking for money?

In a time, when so many children are growing up in broken homes with broken parents are children being taught the values that so many of us can joke about as adults. Lets be real...for the most part none of us would have dared walk up to a stranger asking for money. Hell how about we knew not to walk up to a stranger period. We were raised to be seen and not heard, speak when spoken too. do as I say and not as I do. We understood that it was okay for us to get beat in public and we felt things such as paddles, extension cords, broomsticks, and any other item that was handy when in the split second it was decided to beat us. We understood that we talked to adults in a certain way. If we were in our neighborhood and did something wrong we were in trouble before we even got home. Sometimes we got in trouble right there. That's how we were raised. Fast forward to today. We live in a world where parents are afraid to beat their children for fear of going to jail. Children feel comfortable being disrespectful to adults. Community parenting no longer exist. If you see something, mind your business. This and so much more has contributed
to the misguided child.

The idea that, "it takes a village to raise a child" for the most part has ceased to exist. The truth is that it does take a village and the children who are raised out of this village are at a disadvantage. Everyone in a village has some unique type of knowledge to share and if a child received this knowledge by the time they reached adulthood they would be a well-rounded individual. For the spiritual person, one would accept that the children of today are a sign of the times. My theory, they may be a sign of the sign but that doesn't mean that you stop doing what you should. Children need a lot of things but most importantly they need love and discipline. These two things help to shape who they will be as an adult. Hopefully, they will turn out as great as you or I but honestly, I hope they will turn out even better.